So I'm home enduring the horrid smell of my dog's gas. So bored so stinking. Ugha.

So here is the newest news.

When pitted against wet wooden back staircases I fail. When going out for the evening and trying not to forget or lose anything I fail. And when I return home and try to unwind with a bottle of wine I fail. So with bruised shins, misplaced cell, and shattered glass I figured out just how often in a day I can fail. This was my friday evening.

However, I have found that I'm good at finding homes for homeless dogs around my neighborhood. I guess the people around here don't care enough for their pets to keep them safe and secure in their homes. It could also be said that some people around here are idiots and chose to let their dogs roam the streets to "get their rocks off" and what not, despite how reckless and inhumane that decision might seem to an other wise sane and reasonable person.

However, there are good people in the world who will house, bathe, and feed these poor little dogs that are neglected and abandoned.

I am very happy to say that the poor little abandoned pitbull that followed lucy and myself home has been adopted. I was a little worried at first about finding him a home because most people who saw me walking him down the street would not come near me. He is a little on the beastly side to say the least. Fortunately I found him a home with an employee of the humane society. Fate brought him and his fanny pack full of dog treats in my general direction and now he and his boyfriend are the proud fathers of a freshly cleaned, snipped, and immunized pup.

I am glad there are people in this world who realize that all dogs deserve love despite society's demonization of certain breeds.

So, rounding out the week with three small defeats on one huge victory!

I think it's important to say that I have been miserable for quite sometime. Don't know exactly why. There are a few key instances and un-lived aspirations. There is drama and there is dirt. There are bills and there are dirty dishes. There is not enough closet space and there is ugly carpet.

But it is time for a change.

to be continued.

I saw you many times passing in the night
Your presence sent my heart sinking
I knew this was no hallucination
I could feel you
The way you beckoned shook my spirit
I felt as if we had transcended time
But your goals are yet to be met
I wish that you still had need of me
I wish that I could save you from purgatory
But I am not one to be haunted
You are on your own ghost
Isn't that why you left this world?
For you own solitude
Do you have serenity now?
Is there such a thing,
I have yet to experience this abstraction
my nights are spent freezing
missing your warmth
spurning your lingering presence
Why didn't you just leave me like you meant to?

So, its been an interesting fall as far as weather has been concerned and the ungodly amount of people that have been hooking up. Haha. I love it. I love the idea of people being and falling in love. I'm glutton for romance truly. I don't know if that expression has ever been used or if it should ever be used again. But I'm happy for the lovelys that are currently making out in this fabulous season. I pray no one gets tontesialitis from the random wind chill that is making this week seem as though winter will be here in a matter of days. Which of course I realize it will but alas, a girl can pray for a little more fall sunshine right?

Anyway, this post is a celebration of love as well as a celebration of the end of midterms thank god. I only have two more 500 word essays to write. And then viola! Freedom, and Halloween fabness here I come!

It's October, Summer is over. And while it in no way represents the summer I imagined it was alright. The summer brought out all the demons in me. Usually at night and I wouldn't remember a thing afterward except for marx telling me just a few horrifying tidbits of what I had done. Despite that and the constant struggle of dealing with creation & destruction, love & hate relationships, and dealing with the change that came with moving. It wasn't all bad.

I have my house. Granted a half of a house but I share it with some awesome people. I have a car, its two toned. I love it. It likes to scare the shit out of me. And it ran me over once. Fun times. I have my Marx. My friends. And my school. I love finally taking those upper level courses that scare the shit out of me enough to make me want to pass. I'm alot happier now.

But still there were a few things I didn't want to have to say goodbye to. But in the end I guess the change was for the better. However its hard to rationalize not seeing some of your best friends as often or at all. I am missing so many people right now. But you let the ones you love go. And they return hopefully with open arms and stories. At least thats what I have been told and this is what I pray.

The semester is officially finished! Whoot whoo.
Time for free-lancing, babysitting, swimming, moving, a new puppy, sunshine and oh yea did I mention no more school for me! Yea that's right the world rocks.
I'm getting a new car, a new apartment, a new addition to the family. And quiet possibly the best-ever summer.

So, that all defining spring moment has hit me. I have been planning a little party for my good friend Sarah a sort of early send off since she's going to be on active duty from this next week on. She'll be drilling in Detroit, serving in Minnisota, and then shipping off to Afganistan in less than a month. And then she'll be gone for over a year and a half maybe more.

I know this was something she wanted to do, but I was still under the impression she would be going to Germany or Korea not fucking Afganistan.

So, in the time she will take to organize her departure, the most I could hope to achieve is to not fail this semester, find a place for myself to live, and maybe just maybe finish up my taxes. Her determination to take care of everything so quickly, and all the stress she is going to have to undergoe throughout this really makes me feel like an ass for being so irresponsible for myself.

I think what I've been waiting for is not just an end-all to the semester or even the end of this crazy living arrangement, it was a bit of a wake-up call. I need to get my shit together. I'm almost twenty-one, and I still need my mom to remind me to do my taxes, I'm not quite at the point Marx is (his parent's do his for him).
But I'm not much better.

So, my goal is to be completely independent hopefully between now and the end of the summer. After a year of living on my own one would guess I would be to that point by now, but I got scared and I gave up trying and I think it's time to prove to myself that I can do this.

I could be organized. I could be financially secure (at least in the loose sense of the phrase). I could be a functioning adult, but right now I'm just a reckless child but I'm gonna work my way up.

It seems like everyone I talked to in the Spring was waiting for the levee to break. I mean everyone.

And why not in Mid-spring months everything is going on, kids are about to graduate whether that be highschool or college, for college kids that meant apartment searching, for highschoolers that means holding their breath and playing it cool till their where handed their freedom in paper form, the spring semester for those college kids was getting hot and heavy with all the deadlines pouring in. Spring also means crazy weather random snow, warm days, rain rain and more rain, not to mention seasonal allergies (ugh) and lots of crazy colds and viruses. And everyone in the US seemed to have spring fever, playing hookie till summer is the usual routine, haha.

Spring was always my personal New Years, everything starts fresh. And I'm excited for what is around the corner, the end of sophomore year, summer, a new apartment, a new car, and the first time I'll be living all alone with my best friend and lover. It's all so exciting, but anything could go wrong and I'm waiting right along with everyone else fingers-crossed, biting my lower lip and hoping for the best.

This week is critical for me, I've finally got the finances figured out now I've got to tackle academia, I'm pulling myself out of the hole in my journalism classes and I'm tying things up the next few days in Political Science and Psychology. This is blog is actually a quick reflection on how stressful everything seems right now as well as a brief interlude from my research paper writing which by the way I have to wrap up in 13 hours to turn in. If this thing isn't finished and at IUPUI in room 57 before 6:15 there will be a trash-can outside the door for me to literally throw all my time and effort in physical form away. No joke, my prof is a hard ass. So, with that in mind I'm going to go back to my writing.

But for anyone else out there who is waiting for the levee to break my advice is to take a moment and listen to the voices around you, I'm sure they will pipe up with some of the same frets, take a break from yourself and let someone vent to you. It may help put things in perspective, give a new found sense of purpose, and maybe just ease your mind a little bit. Besides if its a two side vent-fest you'll both walk away feeling a little bit lighter. It might even put the Spring back into your step.

Peace

It was just yesterday it was warm and rainy, that was before the rain turned to ice and I came to school and realized I missed my midterm yesterday because I skipped class without checking the syllabus. Fortunately the midterm was only worth 15 points out of the total 100 the class is worth. So maybe it won't be that bad. Pray for Sunshine.

Despite the fact that I'm going to go take a test on a subject I can't study for because Amazon still hasn't sent me my book, I'm in a relativly fabulous mood today.
Marx brought me lunch.
Girls night with new found member Laurel rocked. Drunken-girly-stir-fry-night need I say more?
Okay I will... We definetaly consumed 3 regular and 1 jumbo bottle of wine. And finished with gin & tonics. Yum
And lets see, I have finally, successfully stolen money from the grimy governmental paws that have been dangling it in front of my face for so long.
YAY!
I'm done enduring. Time for living.
Oh and my mom got a raise today, yayrah-MOM!!! haha. I'm a dork. Glad I was never a cheerleader? Me too.
Anyway she just got offered a Medical Coding Position from the company she is currently working under.
She's been working a low paid high expectations job for a while now, so its great that she has this offer that is raising her salary by like 2.50 and paying for her to go to school to study for this postion so, even if she moves on to another medical facility she will stay have a decent position to look forward too.

So, the universe is being awfully kind. I advise everyone to take advantage of it in the best way.

But not take advantage in an "I totally made out with a this chick that was totally wasted."
More like an "I have a friend that is working at the best store and she is going to give us her amazing discount type way."

You know what I mean? Yea, I think ya do.

This week was very strange. I went to all my classes, major change, save one. I did all my homework. I did dishes with out muttering curse words under my breath. I talked to Wayne more. I didn't hate him for stealing from Marx and me. I attended a party I didn't want to go to since it was in my own home and I had a good time. At the party; no one's feelings got hurt, nothing was broken or burnt, no one was sick, there was no drama, everyone had a good time. Also, I got great They've Shot Flannigan pictures, and interesting interviews to write a kickass story. I also will have money relatively soon. Maybe even a car and a camera. I won't have to worry about rent, and all I have to do is keep trying to keep this strange and resourceful week on repeat until the end of the semester. It seems so easy, but it feels like failure is looming just out of sight and its going to mug me of happiness the moment I let my guard down. Which reminds me: Where can I buy a pitbull and some pepperspray?

CUTE!!! New baby kiwi.

So, I went home recently and I was asked by every one of my siblings "Ti, what are you giving up for lent?"
I didn't designate anything to give up for the long 40 days and 40 nights until easter.
Honestly what could I give up that would equal the sacrifice of giving up life for all worldly sins?

Think about that one.

And then once your done thinking about it remember that God and I have an interesting relationship, we're not excatly talking at this point so I don't know if the relationship is over, or what?
I don't know how probable it is that he has a son anyway so I think its gonna be okay that I don't try to walk 40 days in his shoes, but I doubt if he exisited that he wore shoes anyhow. haha.

But for the record I have particiapted in lent successfully a few times:

Once lent season I gave up coffee partly for religious reasons and partly because the doctor told me to stop drinking 6 cups a day.

And then the next lent I gave up marx, funny right? Now, I gave up sneaking him over to the house when my parents were gone, but after lent I took up that habit again and got kicked out of the house. But did I get rewarded for those 40 good days?

haha. Anyway, Lent is just like a religious new years resolution. You do okay for a while and then after easter you're right back where you were on Fat Tuesday. Love it.

Rainy days are the best time to sleep in and skip class
But sometimes its better to suck it up
Put on your best pair of boots
Make a pizza and go about your merry way
You just might be the sunshine the day needed.

So this weekend I was suppose to go home. I was suppose to see Dad and Mom and kids and friends and be happy healthy homey-me. The sort of me I don't get to be in indy unless its just me and marx locked away together. Anyway. Mr. Newsman said there was going to be lots and lots of snow. So I called my family to say that we weren't coming because of the weather and all of marxy's homework.

But then the weather warmed up and all the snow was melted by the almost-warm rains. But the weather changing gave me a sicky-sinusy-cold and I coughed and coughed and couldn't breathe. All I wanted was a couch and movies and sleepy-time-drugs. But either my drugs were defective or the distraction of a four night party just kept the sleep from coming. Hmm. Suppose its a mystery.

There were a lot of people I love at my house. And they had a lot of friends with them. And they all had a little too much to drink. And as a result we all stayed up to the wee hours of the morning. And there was drunken drama. And the sober people trying to sleep missed out on it because I needed more medicine and vitamin C. So, when Marx and I returned from our mid-morning-marsh trip at 5:30 am sometime between Saturday and Sunday, all we could do was try and get everyone to bed. I think everyone passed out by 7.

And then there was the Superbowl. Thank god I slept in until kick-off.

1.We all work with one infinite power

2. The Secret is the Law of Attraction (LOA)

3. Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting

4. We are like magnets - like attract like. You become AND attract what you think

5. Every thought has a frequency. Thoughts send out a magnetic energy

6. People think about what they don't want and attract more of the same

7. Thought = creation. If these thoughts are attached to powerful emotions (good or bad) that speeds the creation

8. You attract your dominant thoughts

9. Those who speak most of illness have illness, those who speak most of prosperity have it..etc..

10. It's not "wishful" thinking.

11. You can't have a universe without the mind entering into it

12. Choose your thoughts carefully .. you are a masterpiece of your life

13. It's OK that thoughts don't manifest into reality immediately (if we saw a picture of an elephant and it instantly appeared, that would be too soon)

14. EVERYTHING in your life you have attracted .. accept that fact .. it's true.

15. Your thoughts cause your feelings

16. We don't need to complicate all the "reasons" behind our emotions. It's much simpler than that. Two categories .. good feelings, bad feelings.

17. Thoughts that bring about good feelings mean you are on the right track. Thoughts that bring about bad feelings means you are not on the right track.

18. Whatever it is you are feeling is a perfect reflection of what is in the process of becoming

19. You get exactly what you are FEELING

20. Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances

21. You can begin feeling whatever you want (even if it's not there).. the universe will correspond to the nature of your song

22. What you focus on with your thought and feeling is what you attract into your experience

23. What you think and what you feel and what actually manifests is ALWAYS a match - no exception

24. Shift your awareness

25. "You create your own universe as you go along" Winston Churchill

26. It's important to feel good ( ( ( (((good))) ) ) )

27. You can change your emotion immediately .. by thinking of something joyful, or singing a song, or remembering a happy experience

28. When you get the hang of this, before you know it you will KNOW you are the creator

29. Life can and should be phenomenal .. and it will be when you consciously apply the Law of Attraction

30. Universe will re-arrange itself accordingly

31. Start by using this sentence for all of your wants: "I'm so happy and grateful now that.... "

32. You don't need to know HOW the universe is going to rearrange itself

33. LOA is simply figuring out for yourself what will generate the positive feelings of having it NOW

34. You might get an inspired thought or idea to help you move towards what you want faster

35. The universe likes SPEED. Don't delay, don't second-guess, don't doubt..

36. When the opportunity or impulse is there .. ACT

37. You will attract everything you require - money, people, connections.. PAY ATTENTION to what's being set in front of you

38. You can start with nothing .. and out of nothing or no way - a WAY will be provided.

39. HOW LONG??? No rules on time .. the more aligned you are with positive feelings the quicker things happen

40. Size is nothing to the universe (unlimited abundance if that's what you wish) We make the rules on size and time

41. No rules according to the universe .. you provide the feelings of having it now and the universe will respond

42. Most people offer the majority of their thought in response to what they are observing (bills in the mail, being late, having bad luck...etc..)

43. You have to find a different approach to what is through a different vantage point

44. "All that we are is a result of what we have thought" - Buddha

45. What can you do right now to turn your life around?? Gratitude

46. Gratitude will bring more into our lives immediately

47. What we think about and THANK about is what we bring about

48. What are the things you are grateful for?? Feel the gratitude.. focus on what you have right now that you are grateful for

49. Play the picture in your mind - focus on the end result

50. VISUALIZE!!! Rehearse your future

51. VISUALIZE!!! See it, feel it! This is where action begins

52. Feel the joy .. feel the happiness :o)

53. An affirmative thought is 100 times more powerful than a negative one

54. "What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists." Alexander Graham Bell

55. Our job is not to worry about the "How". The "How" will show up out of the commitment and belief in the "what"

56. The Hows are the domain of the universe. It always knows the quickest, fastest, most harmonious way between you and your dream

57. If you turn it over to the universe, you will be surprised and dazzled by what is delivered .. this is where magic and miracles happen

58. Turn it over to the universe daily.. but it should never be a chore.

59. Feel exhilarated by the whole process .. high, happy, in tune

60. The only difference between people who are really living this way is they have habituated ways of being.

61. They remember to do it all the time

62. Create a Vision Board .. pictures of what you want to attract .. every day look at it and get into the feeling state of already having acquired these wants

63. "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." Albert Einstein

64. Decide what you want .. believe you can have it, believe you deserve it, believe it's possible for you

65. Close your eyes and visualize having what you already want - and the feeling of having it already.

66. Focus on being grateful for what you have already .. enjoy it!! Then release into the universe. The universe will manifest it.

67. "Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve" W. Clement Stone

68. Set a goal so big that if you achieved it, it would blow your mind.

69. When you have an inspired thought, you must trust it and act on it.

70. How can you become more prosperous?? INTEND IT!!

71. 'Checks are coming in the mail regularly'... or change your bank statement to whatever balance you want in there... and get behind the feeling of having it.

72. Life is meant to be abundant in ALL areas...

73. Go for the sense of inner joy and peace then all outside things appear

74. We are the creators of our universe

75. Relationships: Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others .. love yourself and you will be loved

76. Healthy respect for yourself

77. For those you work with or interact with regularly .. get a notebook and write down positive aspects of each of those people.

78. Write down the things you like most about them (don't expect change from them). Law of attraction will not put you in the same space together if you frequencies don't match

79. When you realize your potential to feel good, you will ask no one to be different in order for you to feel good.

80. You will free yourself from the cumbersome impossibilities of needing to control the world, your friends, your mate, your children....

81. You are the only one that creates your reality

82. No one else can think or feel for you .. its YOU .. ONLY YOU.

83. Health: thank the universe for your own healing. Laugh, stress free happiness will keep you healthy.

84. Immune system will heal itself

85. Parts of our bodies are replace every day, every week..etc... Within a few years we have a brand new body

86. See yourself living in a new body. Hopeful = recovery. Happy = happier biochemistry. Stress degrades the bod.

87. Remove stress from the body and the body regenerates itself. You can heal yourself

88. Learn to become still .. and take your attention away from what you don't want, and place your attention on what you wish to experience

89. When the voice and vision on the inside become more profound and clear than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life

90. You are not here to try to get the world to be just as you want it. You are here to create the world around you that you choose.

91. And allow the world as others choose to see it, exist as well

92. People think that if everyone knows the power of the LOA there won't be enough to go around .. This is a lie that's been ingrained in us and makes so many greedy.

93. The truth is there is more than enough love, creative ideas, power, joy, happiness to go around.

94. All of this abundance begins to shine through a mind that is aware of it's own infinite nature. There's enough for everyone. See it. Believe it. it will show up for you.

95. So let the variety of your reality thrill you as you choose all the things you want.. get behind the good feelings of all your wants.

96. Write your script. When you see things you don't want, don't think about them, write about them, talk about them, push against them, or join groups that focus on the don't wants... remove your attention from don't wants.. and place them on do wants

97. We are mass energy. Everything is energy. EVERYTHING.

98. Don't define yourself by your body .. it's the infinite being that's connected to everything in the universe.

99. One energy field. Our bodies have distracted us from our energy. We are the infinite field of unfolding possibilities. The creative force.

100. Are your thoughts worthy of you? If not - NOW is the time to change them. You can begin right were you are right now. Nothing matters but this moment and what you are focusing your attention on.

http://www.pomoworld.com
The Human Enlightenment Project

"Thank U"

how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence

January is a short month.
Probably its best quality.
With in exception MLK day.

Someone is starring at me.
He's trying not to make it obvious.
But it is. I dunno if I should talk to him.
Only because he stares so openly.
Then turns and acts interested in something else every time I cease typing.

I'm excited. Not because of the boy. But because tonight is girly dinner night.
Brit, Kate, Hannah, and I are making food. I'm bringing fish and cornbread. Maybe cookies.
We are getting wine. YAY.

I'm hoping to talk to people more this semester. I feel like I've been around alot of people without having talked of very many interesting things. I'm hoping for some intellectual stimulation.

Thats my January goal.